I am on a mission to raise great women. I have 4 girls and have many estrogen-filled years ahead of us. Woohoo! My oldest has just made the leap into her teens. We had been looking forward to this birthday for a while now. (She and I, and her daddy.) I am looking forward to seeing what kind of women we can mold in each of our daughters into. So what I needed was a plan. I love a good plan, a general guideline to which we can set our feet and reach our goal.
I’ve been reading books (from other parents who have gone before me.) I have been talking to my own parents and compiling the information into…
The Goal for each Girl
Marry off a
woman in love with God who knows herself, is well educated, honorable, thinks outside of
herself and has the tools to choose to be a good servant of the King, wife, and
mother.
With that goal in mind, I have laid out a plan of action. I plan to (and have been) intentionally parent her and her sisters, to reach this goal. This can not be a step by step process, because life doesn't go in a straight line. I have to use the events and experiences to my advantage as life throws it at us. But in the meantime, I have to be intentional during every teachable moment to get the results I want. (Sounds a lot like science... because it is… "the study of life".)
The Plan of Action
·
Demonstrate how to have an active relationship
with the Living God—because without Him, the rest is not going to work and life
is pointless without Him.
·
Demonstrate and teach her how to grow
spiritually.
o
Everyday spiritual Warfare: How to combat the
lies that cause darkness, how to call on the Holy Spirit for healing and help
in changing faulty thinking.
o
Encourage, nurture and challenge their spiritual
gifts (Prophecy, teaching, faith, miracles, healing, discerning of spirits,
giving, ministry, mercy, love, etc) because all the gifts are accessible to all
of us.
·
Encourage good self-esteem by:
o
Always telling her the truth and expect the
truth from her.
o
Showing her love in her specific love language
and a little bit of each one: Acts of Service, Affirmation, Quality Time,
Physical Touch, and Gifts. (*See books below.)
o
Encouraging modesty and self awareness by dressing appropriately
yet fashionable and remind them to cover their shirt collar when they bend
over, sit with their legs together in a skirt, etc.
·
Provide a well rounded education (because we
homeschool) but also help her find a career path by encouraging, nurturing and
challenging her interests.
·
Train her to honor every person with whom she
comes in contact. So that she automatically treats her parents, siblings,
teachers, bosses, peers and (future) husband with respect.
o
Treat others like they are special
o
Do more that what they expect
o
Do all these things with a good attitude
·
Keep her father’s spiritual covering over her
until she marries or decides to stay single. (We believe the covering from
God to Jesus to Man to Wife or daughters can be wrapped up in 4 simple
guidelines.)
o
Safety: Guarding external welfare
o
Security: Provide internal stability
o
Comfort: Provide for her needs
o
Intimacy: Know her deeply
·
Celebrate her life’s milestones.
I would like to expound on the last point about “Celebrating Her” because it is so easy to make a step-by-step list for this one. (I love lists!) We have mapped out a plan to celebrate a few big milestones in each of our girls lives so that they feel valued and adored. (Every girl wants that!)
1.
Birth:
Break the Curse Line. A close to the first breath as possible, we command the curse line that passes the affects of sin from generation to generation to be broken and read verses from the Bible as the Sword of the Spirit to cut it. Then we speak a blessing over her to jump start the Blessing Line.
Break the Curse Line. A close to the first breath as possible, we command the curse line that passes the affects of sin from generation to generation to be broken and read verses from the Bible as the Sword of the Spirit to cut it. Then we speak a blessing over her to jump start the Blessing Line.
2.
First Menstrual
Cycle:
Since the age of about 8 or 9 years old (depending on how self aware each girl is) we start talking about how our bodies work, sex, puberty, menstrual cycles, and more. When she asks questions, we answer them. We never withhold the truth, but provide information simply enough for them to understand. (I use the drip method because I believe “the talk” is too jarring.)
The Celebration: A Ladies’ Luncheon with close female relatives. The day her period starts I teach her how to wear feminine products. On the day of the luncheon, we do a beauty regiment to prepare ourselves, get dressed up, do our hair, nails, and make up together. Then we join our female relatives at a nice restaurant. Each woman shares “What I wish I knew about womanhood” and each gives her a spoken blessing. This is when the girl becomes a woman and her “woman lessons” begin. The biggest lesson is concerning the bad attitude during PMS and to be especially self-controlled during this time.
Since the age of about 8 or 9 years old (depending on how self aware each girl is) we start talking about how our bodies work, sex, puberty, menstrual cycles, and more. When she asks questions, we answer them. We never withhold the truth, but provide information simply enough for them to understand. (I use the drip method because I believe “the talk” is too jarring.)
The Celebration: A Ladies’ Luncheon with close female relatives. The day her period starts I teach her how to wear feminine products. On the day of the luncheon, we do a beauty regiment to prepare ourselves, get dressed up, do our hair, nails, and make up together. Then we join our female relatives at a nice restaurant. Each woman shares “What I wish I knew about womanhood” and each gives her a spoken blessing. This is when the girl becomes a woman and her “woman lessons” begin. The biggest lesson is concerning the bad attitude during PMS and to be especially self-controlled during this time.
3.
13th
Birthday:
A First Date & First Ring. We take her on a date to a lovely place and her daddy presents her with a birthstone ring and a promise. He kneels before her and promises to continue to be a good father and to show her what a good husband is like, so that she knows what to look for in a future husband. He also promises to continue to cover her through safety, security, comfort and intimacy. Mom promises to teach her how to be a good woman and make good choices in life. The date continues with other activities that make her feel special (i.e. Eat at a nice restaurant, walk through a park, have a favorite treat, etc.)
A First Date & First Ring. We take her on a date to a lovely place and her daddy presents her with a birthstone ring and a promise. He kneels before her and promises to continue to be a good father and to show her what a good husband is like, so that she knows what to look for in a future husband. He also promises to continue to cover her through safety, security, comfort and intimacy. Mom promises to teach her how to be a good woman and make good choices in life. The date continues with other activities that make her feel special (i.e. Eat at a nice restaurant, walk through a park, have a favorite treat, etc.)
4.
Sweet 16 Party:
The First Grand Party. (This one is still in the works and I’m not sure we will use this one.) We will throw her a large formal party with as many friends and family that can attend. We will celebrate with music and dancing, food and drink, and we can all shower gifts upon her. She will also receive spoken blessings from those closest to her in front of all in attendance. She will receive a leather bible with her name engraved on the front.
The First Grand Party. (This one is still in the works and I’m not sure we will use this one.) We will throw her a large formal party with as many friends and family that can attend. We will celebrate with music and dancing, food and drink, and we can all shower gifts upon her. She will also receive spoken blessings from those closest to her in front of all in attendance. She will receive a leather bible with her name engraved on the front.
5.
Dating
Initiation
The Second Date with Daddy. This date will be the moment we give her permission to date. Leading up to this time, there are many conversations around the dating process. (The way the world does dating and the way we will do it.) She will have already learned how a woman should be treated, what the limits to physical contact/sexual contact are, and what any interested boy should do if he wants to date her and when he decides he wants to marry her. (Hint: Ask her dad.)
When we feel she is mature enough (we are assuming around 17 or 18) we will allow her to date if there is a boy in whom she is interested. This will become the apprentice-dating process where we will accompany her on dates so that the boy knows how to behave, and he sees the standard we set. They will not be permitted to be alone and must go on group dates with friends, family or us. Her siblings must get almost as much time with him as she does, to get to know his character away from parental supervision. All family members will be in on the dating process to help our girl make a good decision in her dating life, and future spouse.
The Second Date with Daddy. This date will be the moment we give her permission to date. Leading up to this time, there are many conversations around the dating process. (The way the world does dating and the way we will do it.) She will have already learned how a woman should be treated, what the limits to physical contact/sexual contact are, and what any interested boy should do if he wants to date her and when he decides he wants to marry her. (Hint: Ask her dad.)
When we feel she is mature enough (we are assuming around 17 or 18) we will allow her to date if there is a boy in whom she is interested. This will become the apprentice-dating process where we will accompany her on dates so that the boy knows how to behave, and he sees the standard we set. They will not be permitted to be alone and must go on group dates with friends, family or us. Her siblings must get almost as much time with him as she does, to get to know his character away from parental supervision. All family members will be in on the dating process to help our girl make a good decision in her dating life, and future spouse.
6.
High School
Graduation:
When she graduates we will throw an outdoor formal party inviting all friends, family and schoolmates.
When she graduates we will throw an outdoor formal party inviting all friends, family and schoolmates.
7.
Bridal Shower
& Wedding
These events are self explanatory.
These events are self explanatory.
8.
Baby Shower
Also, self explanatory.
Also, self explanatory.
I love all of my girls and have enjoyed their childhood almost as much as they have. They are carefree, creative, interesting, good humored and everything I always dreamed of in my own children. I think we can survive the teen years (the way my parents survived the teen years: with limited casualties) with God and a good constant dose of intentional parenting. Parenting on purpose. Never stop. Never let things fall to the wayside. Sure, it will be exhausting (raising 3 toddlers at one time was exhausting.) We can do it!
Books I’ve read so far that has helped shape pieces of my parenting style and contributed to my plan for raising girls into great women:
· The Color Code by Taylor Hartman
-I have done a personality profile on each of my children and intentionally parent them according to their individual personalities. (It's not a parenting book, but knowing your children is half the battle of knowing how to parent them.)
· The Five Love Languages of Children by by Gary D. Chapman, Ross Campbell
-I love using these ideas to reach the hearts of my babies.
-I have done a personality profile on each of my children and intentionally parent them according to their individual personalities. (It's not a parenting book, but knowing your children is half the battle of knowing how to parent them.)
· The Five Love Languages of Children by by Gary D. Chapman, Ross Campbell
-I love using these ideas to reach the hearts of my babies.
·
Say
Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, In You and Your Kids by
Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN
-This book is great to learn the basics of honoring and respecting each other.
-This book is great to learn the basics of honoring and respecting each other.
·
Raising a
Modern-Day Knight by Robert Lewis
-I borrowed the ideas of celebrating the milestones of a boy’s life and applied it to my bunch of girls too.
-I borrowed the ideas of celebrating the milestones of a boy’s life and applied it to my bunch of girls too.
·
Boundaries
with Kids by Henry Cloud and John Townsend