Raising a Red is an endless power struggle. Reds are the Power Wielders. But this is my cute little 5-year-old we are talking about. Is she really all these things that the personality book says she is?
YES!
It is all there within her and I can help or hinder her. So I remain ever vigilant in dealing with each of the different personality colors of my children. I love them all the same and deal with them all differently. In generations passed, parents have tried to treat all of their children the same and have seriously messed them up. I want Queen Vee to be a great person that everyone likes and a person of good character. Reds are amazing people in their strengths but can be seriously hard to deal with if they only operate in their weaknesses.
"Reds are the power
wielders. Power: the ability to move from point A to point B and get things
done, is what motivates and drives these people. They bring great gifts of
vision and leadership and generally are responsible, decisive, proactive and
assertive." The Color Code by Taylor Hartman.
Emotions = Weakness
Reds are unmoved by emotion and see it as a weakness, even as children. When I have let my emotions out of control (because granted, it’s frustrating to deal with her) it doesn’t make her remorseful (like it would to a Blue) it just confirms to her that she is right: I have lost and she has won. As the parent, I need to win. I want to raise her to be a healthy Red. A Red with good self-esteem and doesn’t hobble in the weaknesses of her personality.
At first, I was a wimp when dealing with her. She walked all over my
White Personality. She did what she wanted. I let her. It was more peaceful
that way. But she was a brat, bossy, and completely undisciplined. She
embarrassed me several times in front of people, which made me realize I had
to successfully discipline her in order to form her into a good child and
eventually a good adult.
So I shifted my approach. I thought for a while that if I showed how angry I really
was, if I acted like the Great and Powerful Oz with all the smoke and fanfare,
Queen Vee would finally respond in the way I wanted her to: with remorse, would
stop doing whatever it was she was doing, would apologize. Emotional responses
have their place but with Reds emotion does not sway them. She can see the
little human behind the curtain controlling the smoke and fanfare. She is not
fazed by it. It confirms to her that Mom is out of control and showing her
weakness. Queen Vee wins again and I’m an emotional WRECK.
After realizing that emotions equal weakness to her, I had to change my
tactics again. I don’t have to take her bad behavior personally. After all, she
is just a little kid and will eventually do something wrong. I don’t have to
freak out because emotional punishments don’t do a darn thing for Reds anyway.
Emotional punishments are when you
give out punishments combined with the expressing of strong emotions. For
example: yelling, acting out anger, spanking while still angry, lecturing her
about feelings: how she should feel remorse, how others feel when she does
wrong, etc.Disciplining a Red Child
A few things I remember when disciplining her are to (#1) remain in
control of my emotions, (#2) demand her attention and state what she did wrong briefly,
(#3) tell her what her punishment is and carry it out immediately. Logic is what reaches her.
It’s like raising Spock. If you do {this and this} then {that} will happen. One
plus two equals three. (It would have been easier to figure this out if she didn't "act" emotional. But she does. It's just that emotion doesn't affect Reds like it does the other Colors.)
If she keeps pushing me (to see if I will lose it) I just keep adding to
the punishments. I don’t’ let it affect me, I could go all day, as long as I
remain in control of MYSELF. In the long run, she gets her discipline and by watching my actions I’m teaching her self-control and
how to have appropriate reactions. It doesn’t mean I can’t ever show that I’m mad when she does something upsetting, but I can’t use emotions as a tool against her. It is actually rather true about all children. Emotions shouldn't be used against children, but it is especially true for those Power Weilding Reds.
